Today was a great day. I was having a really hard time with our upcoming anatomy scan because this is the same scan that showed Rohen’s major abnormalities. Before today, all of our ultrasounds have shown that the babies are growing right on schedule and appear to be healthy, but there is just something that told me I couldn’t feel safe until this particular scan, 18w6d, came back normal.
We both took the day off work today which is always nice! We slept in, showered, and met our OB for the first time. I have to admit that I struggle with this… When I was TTC I knew for sure that I wanted to have a midwife-attended home birth or give birth at a birthing center. Now, with twins, our OB told us that we have the option to elect a c-section right now if we don’t even want to attempt a vaginal delivery. She reminded us that even if Ashley does decided to deliver vaginally, we will still have to deliver in the OR (bye, bye birth photographer!). Even though we have been reminded that things may not go smoothly, we are just SO happy with our OB. Dr. Bullaro just delivered my nephew and she has such an amazing sense of humor. We laughed through almost the entire appointment and she took a lot of time to go over our entire chart with us, asking everything she could about Rohen and our history. We are so happy with our decision to use her! Our last OB was an absolute nightmare, so we are so happy that we can just relax now and feel comfortable with the care we will receive.
After the OB appointment, we went to pick up a free set of scrubs that I won in a Facebook giveaway last week. This is completely unrelated to the twins, but I just got a $70 set of really nice scrubs for free and I’m damn happy about it.
Our anatomy scan was amazing. It’s crazy to see how absolutely massive Ashley’s uterus is now! She told us that Harper is laying diagonally across her belly, with her feet up higher than her bellybutton! While she was measuring Elliott’s head, we saw him move and Ashley said that she felt it. We got to see Elliott opening and closing his mouth, swallowing, practice breathing and even grabbing his little penis! (Oh god, it’s starting already, yuck!) Harper was doing some major yoga moves with her feet behind her head and we were actually able to see her reaching up and grabbing her toes! They were measuring on-track with Elliott coming in at 10oz and Harper at 9oz (they are already so much bigger than Rohen, who was 4.25oz when he was stillborn at 20 weeks)
The absolute funniest thing that happened today happened while we were trying to get a good 4D shot of Harper’s face. When the image came up, we saw that Elliott and turned around and had stuck his butt directly in her face. I could practically hear my future… “Mooooooom, Elliott is putting his butt on me!” “Knock it off!”
Elliott with his mouth open wide!
Elliott’s long legs, and he’s kneeing himself in the eye!
Harper touching her head with her toes
All four legs!
Harper’s legs and feet.
Harper’s face, Elliott’s ass. These kids, I swear…
Harper’s face resting on Elliott’s ass!
When we got home, Ashley felt some movement and I was able to put my hand there in enough time to actually feel his little thump-thump-thumps. I have made contact with the inside, and I think they have accepted me 😉
With all this excitement surrounding the anatomy scan, I have kind of been having a hard time. Rohen is so heavy on my heart, and I think it’s because this is the time in a pregnancy when things really start picking up. We were in the thick of this blissful haze when Rohen was taken from us so abruptly, and being in this haze again with the twins confuses my heart. I find myself saying his name instead of Elliott’s sometimes… I get lost in joy so often, and then I remember that two days before losing him, on Christmas, I had taken a belly picture with Ashley. We had opened and assembled a bassinet with my mom and Mikey. Ashley’s mom bought her a maternity shirt with hand and foot prints on the belly… and all of this happened while he was already gone. It haunts me… I fear for their health constantly with no relief. Recovering from loss is really about the journey, and I remind myself every day that loving Rohen is what made me a mother, even if right now I am one with empty arms. They won’t be empty for long.
I’m sure Ashley will post her 19 week update tomorrow! We are over the hump, half way there… and our adventure is just getting started!