We have an announcement to make…

As you all know, we went through with our 10th insemination about two weeks ago. This was the second insemination since we lost Rohen, and we were just desperately crossing our fingers and hoping that this one would be it for us… On Saturday, we finally got to see the little line we have missed so much.

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Today, Ashley is four weeks pregnant. Though most people would choose to wait until later in their pregnancy to announce, we decided that now was the right time. Since the very beginning, we have been raw and honest here with the best of the best and the worst of the worst, and we will continue in that tradition no matter where this journey leads us. The support and love that we have found from sharing our struggles on this blog has been so incredible, and we want to continue to share every step along the way. The weight of sorrow that we have carried with us for the last four months is finally lightened by the prospect of this amazing new life. We are so overjoyed with the anticipation of welcoming our second beautiful child!

Blood work today showed that Ashley’s levels are right on target for 4 weeks, and are even a tiny bit on the high side (I am crossing my fingers for twins!) So far, so good! We will of course keep everyone posted through each appointment and update. Our first ultrasound to see the heartbeat will be on Rohen’s due date, May 14th.

Again, we owe so much to all of you for the never-ending love and support you have shown us. We love you all very much!

– Devan and Ashley

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Friday, August 30th, 2013

Friday, August 30th, 2013 was just like any other day…well sort of. Devan and I had spent the morning fighting over something really stupid I’m sure … and by the end of the fight I told her that I couldn’t continue to put myself through the emotional roller coaster of trying to have a baby. What you all don’t know is that I was 9 days past an IUI at this point. Devan and I decided we’d try doing it the good ole’ fashion way and “stop trying”. Considering the way we are trying to conceive the only way we could “stop trying” would be to stop telling people about it. So that is what we did. I was inseminated on August 21, 2013…this particular insemination was much different from the previous ones we’ve gone through. So, I guess I’ll start there…

The Insemination:

We were scheduled to be inseminated at 1:30, we had been checking my follicles/eggs out the week prior and found that I had a total of FOUR big ass eggs ready for some sperm. The Doctor was actually sort of concerned because of the “risk” of multiples. I told him that having twins would be a blessing and that triplets, even though I’d want to pull my hair out, would also be a blessing so bring on the multiples. We’ve been fighting too long and hard to give up over possible multiples.  We arrived at the doctors office eager as ever. Normally our nurse, Lisa, does our inseminations, but because of how many follicles I had she brought Shane, the Dr in with us. They made a joke saying “maybe you need to have a guy do” so that is what happened. So, in the room is me, Devan, Shane, Lisa & Gina — FULL HOUSE!!!! As soon as Shane began the process I started to kind of freak out — I was thinking about the let down I would have to deal with in 2 weeks when I started my period and honestly, I wasn’t sure I could go through it again — and of course thinking about this made me cry. (Such a pansy 😉 ) Lisa and Devan came and held my hand for support (I’m telling you people, you won’t find a better group of fertility specialists) and got me through it. The insemination went smoothly after that, and the deed was done. I laid there for about 25 minutes with Devan just crying because like I said, I could deal with this NOT working, anymore.

The two week wait:

Anyone who has tried to conceive HATES the two week wait…it is the WORST two weeks of your life. You are hyper sensitive to everything happening to your body and every cramp or twinge is the baby implanting or a pregnancy symptom of some sort. Of course, 2 days past IUI it would be impossible to even have symptoms, but let me tell you, your body tricks you. Almost immediately I was nauseated – Lisa told me it was because I had such high estrogen levels for having so many eggs and that it would likely go away; and she was right. About 6-7 days after the insemination I was feeling pretty good and showed no signs of pregnancy.

Friday, August 30th, 2013

Obviously this day has meaning or it wouldn’t be the title of this blog post…I’ll pick up where I left off in the beginning — Devan and I had been fighting all morning. I was telling her I was DEFINITELY showing no symptoms of being pregnant and that I didn’t know if I could continue doing this, because of how hard the let down is. She kept on saying, you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not, its been 9 DAYS!! I was so sure I wasn’t pregnant, I wanted to prove her wrong right then and there. It was about 10am and I was at work and I decided I’d take a little break to Walgreens simply to prove Devan wrong (I know, ridiculous) I get to Walgreens and buy a 3 pack of the EPT tests…I didn’t want to pee on a stick at work and definitely couldn’t go home to do it because Devan was there so the classiness in me decided to pee in the Walgreens bathroom. I go in, pee on the stick…wait about 45 seconds and see nothing. In my head I was obviously disappointed but I had been telling myself it wasn’t going to happen anyways so I just got up to leave and go back to work. I got in the car and took a look at the test again, and there it was…the faintest pink line…the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I immediately started crying and sped home to show Devan. I ran into the house (mind you, we’ve been fighting) and I scream for Devan. She comes out and asks me what the hell I’m even doing home and I showed her the test and said “I’M PREGNANT!!!!” Neither of us had words, we just hugged each other and cried. At this point I was 3 1/2 weeks pregnant — super early, so we decided we’d only share the news with our close family & friends. As I write this blog I am now 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and am scheduled for my first ultra sound on 9/27 at 4:30 pm. I know that will be a day that will change my life forever. None of you will be reading this blog post until at least 9/27, but I figured to keep the story fresh (how could I forget it though) I’d type it up now. For obvious reasons I have continued to be a nervous wreck (I know, stress is bad for the baby, I’m working on it) but all the blood work points to a healthy growing bambino in there, so I am hoping it stays that way.

As of now, I still don’t have many symptoms (I hear they will start full force in about 1-2 weeks, so excited for that…NOT) I have developed an obsession with pickles and macaroni and cheese, I’m finding myself being sleepier than normal and I feel like someone has removed a few parts of my brain; other than that, I feel great!

Here’s to a new journey, hopefully one full of tears of joy, rather than tears of sadness.

❤ Ashley…and tiny little sea horse alien looking apple seed baby 😉

14 Days Later…

So, when we first started taking these tests, we had our little panic moment when we realized that they could possibly be picking up the hCG trigger shot that I was given two weeks ago. I did some research online, and I read that the average time it takes to metabolize is 1000iu per day. I was given 10,000iu, so it’s safe to assume 10 days. I had also read that some women were reporting getting false positives up to 14 days past their trigger shots. Because of this possibility (even though I tested negative within 11 days of the trigger last cycle) I have really been holding out for a strong positive on day 14, and I’ve been watching my lines to make sure that they are not fading out.

Here are the tests I took on days 9-11 past iui (days 11-13 past the trigger)

And here is the test I took this morning, 12 days past iui and 14 days past the trigger.

I think it’s safe to say that we’re positive!

I have still been having a REALLY hard time sleeping, so I end up on my phone all night reading blogs and articles I find on Pinterest or reading message boards about implantation bleeding and trigger shots. Unfortunately, being too informed can be a bit of a curse in that every little thing that you feel starts to play tricks on you! I think right now I’m stuck on chemical pregnancy… it’s so early on that it’s possible that this baby could just not continue to grow, causing a miscarriage before anything would have been able to be seen on an ultrasound. These are usually due to chromosomal issues. I keep reminding myself that the progesterone that I’m taking is there to support the lining of my uterus and keep that baby where he or she belongs! Basically, if my lines begin to fade, we’ll know something is wrong.

Also, has anyone watched crash test videos of babies in car seats? I was reading this blog last night and it was the 8 deadliest ways mothers misuse a car seat, and there are some pretty scary statistics out there! I’ll have to find the link to the lady’s blog. Yikes.

So, other than that, we are just waiting around. Ashley says she wants me to have a blood  test so we can see the levels in my blood. This can also give us an early indication of how many babies I’m carrying. I told her I wanted to wait for at least 15 days dpt so we could be 100% sure the blood test wouldn’t pick up the trigger, so she’s scheduling the appointment for tomorrow. I’ll let everyone know what happens!

Until then…

Devan and baby

Why We Chose To Share

I was going to write a little something in my last post about why we’ve decided to tell people so early on, but I forgot all about it! I wish I would have, because lots of people have been asking us why we decided to share this so much earlier than most couples. I thought I’d explain because I’m sure more people are wondering!

I originally started this blog to keep my closest friends and family informed. It was private and you had to have an invitation to get in. After a while, we just figured that keeping the whole thing a secret was stupid. I opened up the blog for everyone to read.

Since the beginning, I’ve tried to keep an honest account of the procedure and the emotions that go along with it, and it just seemed wrong to stop that now when I’ve come so far. Having this blog has been great for me because I get to share my feelings with the people that I love but don’t get to see or have long conversations with as much as I’d like to, and I also get to have this written account of the entire process to look back on once this baby is all grown up. Writing things out is just how I roll!

We had originally said that we were only going to tell people about the pregnancy if they were also people that we would feel comfortable sharing the news of a miscarriage with. Ashley asked me last night, “If you had a miscarriage, would you blog about it?” Of course I would! Go big or go home, right? I have let the world in on the experience of attempting to become a mother, and I plan on letting the world in on the experience of ACTUALLY becoming a mother. If for some reason something tragic happens between those two events, I will be here to write about it honestly and openly. 

So here we are, 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, and everyone knows about it. It’s a little taboo, most people wait until 12 weeks or so to share the news, most of the time to avoid having to get everyone all worked up when a miscarriage in the first trimester is always a looming threat. Luckily, I have an awesome doctor that has me taking progesterone every 12 hours to avoid the shedding of the uterus, greatly diminishing the chances of a miscarriage. 

I noticed last night that I can smell things that I wasn’t able to smell before, especially the dogs’ breath. (yuck) I’ve also been having this weird anxiety at night, and I can’t figure out what it is. It’s like I’m forgetting something, even though I know I’m not. It’s making it pretty hard to sleep, so I’m really exhausted. The nausea is getting a lot more intense too as the hCG builds up in my system… the darker the lines on the tests get, the more I want to barf at all times of the day! lol Maybe that is just natures way of saying “You shouldn’t eat two beef n cheddars, fat ass!!! Don’t even think about reaching for the Doritos!”

Well, we’re going to continue to test daily to see that line get darker, and we will keep everyone updated if anything interesting happens… I foresee these next few weeks to be pretty boring, and I don’t plan on updating the blog daily to tell everyone about how I almost threw up on a patient or something. No news is good news! 😀 Three weeks until we can see our baby, and also hear the heartbeat. It’s so crazy to think that this is actually happening… wow! I’m still processing it! 

Love to all,

D and baby

Our Second Insemination and… OUR BIG FAT POSITIVE!

I’ve been slacking on the blogging lately, so this is going to be a long one!!

I went in to have my follicles checked again on the 20th, and there were about 5 that were way too big. Since we had doubled my dose of Clomid this cycle, we were really worried that this meant I would end up with 5 eggs, meaning the cycle would have to be canceled. She told me that she wanted me to come back on Thursday the 23rd to check them again, hoping between one and three had pulled ahead of the pack. Sure enough, I had two large follicles! One was 18mm and one was 16mm, and they were both considered viable. I was sent home with the trigger shot and an insemination date of Saturday the 25th! (I had the nurses at work give me the shot because I totally wimped out again.

We went in to see Gina for the insemination on Saturday, and were really bummed out when we found out that she was busy and Dr. Nemiro was going to be doing the procedure. We love him, but we’ve grown pretty close to Gina and we felt a little let down. After the procedure failed the first time, we were already a little apprehensive to jump right back in, and it was another little let down. The procedure was also much more painful this time around, but not too bad.

We love sperm!

Our son or daughter! 

This cat is painted on the wall of the procedure room… judging and looking directly at my vagina.

On Saturday the 1st, I started feeling extremely tired and had a headache all day. I started feeling really nauseated every time I ate anything, no matter how small. On Sunday, we decided that I should take one of the cheap pregnancy tests. It was sadly negative, but we didn’t get too down about it since it’s still very early. After I continued to have the same symptoms all through Sunday and Monday morning, we took a First Response test and couldn’t believe our eyes when a tiny faint pink line began to appear! We immediately high-fived and then started hugging each other and jumping around! We were so excited!!!!!!

Throughout yesterday, we took a LOT of tests… way more than we should have! Here are just a few of them:

 

Ashley’s reaction.

The cheap 88 cent test that was negative on Saturday was very clearly positive on Monday. We started to second guess ourselves last night and today because we thought that this could be the HCG trigger shot that I had 12 days ago. We started feeling really stupid for telling all of our family and friends when we could have been wrong the whole time. Then, I started having some cramping and spotting. Since my period isn’t expected until Saturday the 8th and I’m 10 days past IUI, I am pretty sure that this is implantation spotting! We also remembered that negative test on Sunday, and now every single test (we’ve tried about 6 brands) has been a faint but clear positive! It is definitely safe to say that we are pregnant 😀

We called the doctor to tell them, and they don’t want me to come in for an ultrasound until the 24th, at which time I will be a little over 6 weeks. Since I’m already on a progesterone regimen and taking prenatal vitamins, there is really no reason for him to check me out. If anything changes between now and then, we will let him know and go from there.

According to the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, my due date should be on May 17th. It feels so far away! The whole idea that this is actually happening is still very surreal. It doesn’t feel real yet! It’s also pretty scary to think that since I had two eggs this cycle, I could very possibly be carrying fraternal twins! (Ashley’s not too big on that idea, lol!!)

While we’re very joyful and so exited to be bringing a life into this world, our joy was not shared by a few people. We told our families and they were all thrilled, all of our parents and siblings were awesome (Maggie won’t shut up about us having twins! lol). Our closest friends were also thrilled and some even cried when we told them. However,  let’s just say that you really find out who your friends are (and aren’t) when you hear their reactions to this sort of news. Though we were sad that some people weren’t planning on supporting us, it was bittersweet to have the opportunity to cut those ties earlier rather than later. We also have TONS of truly joyful and positive reactions to focus on, and remember that those people will be here for us this whole way. Our baby is going to have so many Aunts and Uncles, it’s crazy!

We also went to Target yesterday and absolutely could not resist buying a Finding Nemo onesie set. It’s a little early, especially since we don’t know the sex, but it was too cute to pass up. I think we’ll wait to buy anything else until we know what we’re having lol!  

 

So that’s it for now… our journey has now officially begun! We will keep everyone posted, and hopefully we will have some darker positive test results to show off in a couple of days.

Love to all,

Devan and Ashley (AND BABY!)