Devan and I live in the lovely state of Arizona…back in 2008 a proposition was passed that made it so marriage was defined in the Arizona state constitution that it can only be between a man and a woman, therefore making it impossible for same sex couples to marry. Many states passed similar laws, got sued, and have since been ruled unconstitutional, therefore making same sex marriage legal. We have a similar lawsuit pending here but until it goes to court and is overturned for being unconstitutional Devan will have NO rights to Elliott and Harper. I’m talking NO rights, as many rights as you would have to them – that is what she will have. Devan and I are legally married, we went to New Mexico and on January 23rd 2014 we made our relationships legit, only Arizona doesn’t think so. DOMA makes it so that we are recognized federally, so that is nice, we can file our federal taxes together but as far as the stuff that really matters she may as well be a complete stranger. I’ve been doing research and found a law firm that specializes in same sex second parent adoption. I called them on Friday and the attorney immediately told me to come in for a free consultation so we are going today at 4pm. I really don’t know what to think…while Arizona doesn’t have any law prohibiting same sex second parent adoption it is not something that I have even heard of, and I have friends – two men that have a little girl and they haven’t been successful as of yet. Their situation is a lot different than ours, as there is no second parent to relinquish rights from (SO glad we used an anonymous donor, it was worth the thousands of dollars we paid)…I’m on the edge of my seat, I just want Devan to be able to be on the birth certificate and have the same rights I do to our kids. It’s unfair to me that we even have to see an attorney about this, I never have and never will understand why people care what homosexuals do behind closed doors, it doesn’t make any sense to me. The way I see it, if you are against it for whatever reason – usually religious conviction – then don’t do it, seems like an easier answer then preventing those who don’t follow the same convictions as you from doing something simply because you don’t believe it is right. If you think about other situations where a person could potentially be against something due to religious convictions…such as divorce for example, it would be absurd to think of passing a law prohibiting it – yet for marriage it happens all the time. I just want people to leave us alone, let us live our lives and be a family. I don’t think people realizes how hurtful it is to homosexuals to live in a world like today, granted we’ve made A LOT of progress, but we still aren’t there yet. I have only experienced persecution (to my face) one time and it was really minor. Devan and I were in Disneyland chatting away with a woman and her kids and having a great time waiting for the fireworks to start. We had been talking for at least 15 minutes when it came up that Devan and I were a couple. The woman immediately turned around and just stopped talking to us – and that was it. It hurt our feelings, absolutely, but I suppose she could have been a lot meaner about it – does it matter either way? I’m just scared, I’m scared for my twins, and the fact that they’re being born into a world full of so much hate. I’m getting off track here, I am just very passionate about this situation and just want everyone to love one another. I cannot wait for the day that Devan and I can say we are legally married in Arizona, in ALL states – I know it will happen in our lifetime and that makes me very excited, I am just sick of waiting! I wish people could see into mine and Devan’s heart. I feel like if they knew how much we loved each other they wouldn’t question us. They couldn’t, our love is raw, pure and real. She is my heart – and we both love our babies more than anything in this world. Please keep us in your thoughts today as we go meet with the attorney. I will update everyone once we have met with her and let you all know what she said. Crossing my fingers and toes that she can help us!
It has been 7 weeks and 2 days since our little man left us and we are still missing him like crazy. You have good days and you have bad days. I am sure many of you are wondering what our next step is, so I figured I’d write up a blog and update everyone on what we’ve been up to since Rohen passed away.
First, we got married J Most of you already know this but for those of you that do not, on January 23rd, 2014 I finally made it legal with the love of my life. We have lived as a married couple for years now, but it wasn’t a legit marriage. When Devan started her job at Chandler Regional Hospital we found out that they offer GREAT medical/dental/vision insurance but would not recognize me (or our future children) unless we were legally married. Luckily, they will still recognize a marriage from another state even if it is not legal in Arizona. So, at the very last minute we planned a trip to New Mexico where our friends Trisha & Ethan live and got hitched! Trisha and Ethan did such a great job making the night special for us. Devan and I were expecting to blow through town, sign some papers and come home; I’m thankful for my friends who made our experience so beautiful.
Shortly after getting married I had my first doctors appointment with the fertility docs to check out all my lady parts and the news was not good. We were told that there was something in my uterus right on the lining and that if it didn’t come out with my first period we would need to have it surgically removed. Devan and I were so upset, we wanted to start trying again immediately and were not anticipating any additional roadblocks. Shane, our doctor, decided that he would wait until I had my first period and check me again, if he still saw something, he would want to do a SHG (Sonahysterogram) to find out what it is (his guesses: placenta, fibroid or polyp). After starting my period he still saw that there was something in my uterus and decided to go forward with the SHG. On day 7 of my cycle I went in for the procedure and was happy to see that whatever it was had cleared out. At this point we had already passed the point in your cycle where you could begin taking clomid (days 5-9 of your cycle) so we would have had to wait until my next period to start trying. I decided that I wanted to try it naturally, something I’ve wanted to try since the very beginning. I am 25 years old and healthy, I don’t NEED fertility drugs to get pregnant (of course they definitely help). I don’t know why but I felt very strongly about this, I feel like wasting a cycle is wasting an opportunity to get pregnant again, even though this cycle is very unlikely to result in pregnancy. The IUI success rate is on a bell shaped curve so you are most likely to get pregnant between your 2, 3 possibly 4th try. If you aren’t pregnant by your fourth try then you likely have an underlying fertility issue. I figure, even though it’s unlikely to happen this cycle, it brings me one cycle closer to it succeeding and that’s obviously our main goal. Friday, I went in for an ultra sound and had one egg. I got my trigger shot Saturday night at 9pm, and today I will be inseminated at 3pm. Unfortunately, Devan cannot be there because of work, and because she had to take three weeks off when Rohen died, immediately after starting her job at Chandler we don’t want to push our luck and have her take the day off to be there. I would do anything for her to be there with me today, as I know it will be very emotional for me. Being in that room again, getting ready for an insemination, it’s going to remind me that I’m there because I was pregnant, and now I’m not again. Not that I don’t think of Rohen daily, and am reminded daily that he is gone, and that I’m not having a baby in May. It’s just salt in a fresh wound I guess. I brought his blanket and urn to be with me today and am wearing a necklace my grandma bought me for Christmas that has his name and birthstone on it. Lisa, our nurse would normally step in to be there in place of Devan but she has a class today. Luckily, none of those people have to be in the room for me to get pregnant J
So today is the day. We are starting the journey to pregnancy and beyond all over again. My only hope is that our dreams will finally come true.