IT’S TIME!

We are at registration at labor and delivery right now, c-section is going down ASAP! Babies aren’t in distress but they have both fallen even more behind, so it’s time. Updates to come… Holy crap! We are going to have these kids tonight!

29 Weeks!

How far along? 29 Weeks

My babies are the size of: Butternut Squash

Net weight gain:  I gained 5 1/2 pounds in two weeks so I am finally at 0 pounds gained, but back at my pre-pregnancy weight. A total of 10 pounds gained back.

Maternity clothes: Yes

Sleep: Waking up to pee, a lot. Still have hip pain 😦 Oh and its 4:18am and I’m writing a blog, so…..not so good lol

Best Moment this week: SA

Miss Anything: Beer and sleeping on my tummy!

Movement: Yes, in fact one of them has the hiccups right now!

Food Cravings: Nothing really right now

Anything making you queasy or sick: Insane heartburn & the naseau has returned – not as bad as my first trimester but definitely back

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: Cervix is funneling, on mandatory bed rest for the time being. I feel like I am having braxton hicks contractions ALL THE TIME! Sometimes I will have them within 10 minutes of each other and then they will stop for hours, they’re SO annoying!!!! What is weird is I get them at night when I am sleeping – I will wake up to pee and as I fall back asleep will have them, I don’t know if it is from the change in movement from sleeping to getting up or what but either way its super annoying and I am hoping it doesn’t mean real labor is coming soon.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, almost all the time!

Weekly Wisdom: Be happy!

Looking forward to: Seeing the babies Wednesday & getting our flooring replaced this week!! The baby shower is a week from today and I am so EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

We are almost there, a few more weeks (hopefully) and we will be holding our loves. I can’t believe we are one week away from our baby shower, I have been anticipating this for MONTHS! When we had our last ultra sound the perinatologist gave me labs to get drawn to find out if I have a clotting disorder. I’m super anxious to find out what the results are for many reason, but the main reason would be that it would have been the cause of Rohen’s death. No more saying it was a “freak accident” – there is a reason to it, and it could have been prevented, and more importantly can be prevented in the future. Our baby girl is starting to show similar signs of growth issues (no where near as severe) but she has been officially diagnosed with IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) which basically means she falls below the 10% for growth (she was at 8.5% almost two weeks ago, she will be measured again Wednesday) I can’t lie, this scares the living shit out of me. Even though my doctor has reassured me many times that she is going to be OK, I can’t help but fear we will go to an ultra sound and find no heart beat. Obviously it is a lot different because I can feel her & she is viable at this point (with excellent survival odds as well) but it doesn’t stop me from being so worried about her. I am also scared about having a clotting disorder – does that mean at any point I could throw a clot and it could kill either baby? Sometimes I feel like they’d be safer if we just took them out, I hate it that the human body can be so miraculous and yet fail in so many ways as well. I just want to get past our baby shower and then really focus on their arrival. We haven’t bought much for them and now it feels silly because what if our baby shower doesn’t happen because they decide to take them out at our next appt…something we didn’t think about even being an issue. I am hanging on to hope that we will make it past 31 weeks and really aiming for 34 weeks – anything further than 34 would be incredible. Happy thoughts everyone, we want these cuties to keep cooking!! I did find out at my last OBGYN appointment that our doctor most likely won’t be delivering them (unless they make it past 36/37 weeks). I am 100% in agreement with this decision mainly because even if they aren’t coming until 35 weeks, Harper is measuring small and may need more care, because of this we are going to deliver at a different hospital that has a higher acuity NICU. I was worried about delivering at our original hospital because I thought there would be a chance of Elliott and I staying and Harper being transferred and I really didn’t want to deal with that. I want to be near my babies the entire time. The great news is Devan has an old customer from when she managed a Cigar Store that is a neonatal doctor there and after talking with him he promised us VIP treatment.

Devan’s best friend Brielle is coming over tonight to get the final touches of the baby shower in order. Tomorrow morning the two of them are going to be running around pretty much all day – getting the cribs, dresser, ordering the cakes & lunch meat platters, buying the alcohol & other beverages and all of the game prizes and props for the shower. I am bummed I can’t go but so grateful for Brielle and her willingness to help us with our baby shower. A lot of our friends are really pulling together to help us out and we are so happy. Thank you all for everything you have done and will do next Saturday, we love you!

Onto some more exciting news…we got the bedding fabric and Elliott’s carseat in the mail!! After the carpet is fully installed on Wednesday we can set their room up and have it ready to put all the stuff we get from the baby shower in it! I am overjoyed!!!!

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Devan is going to make them blankies with the fabric and then we will be using solids to make the rest of their crib bedding, I am SO excited for the final product!! Those are some sick deer right? Perfect for the woodland theme we chose!

Yesterday morning I woke up to a Facebook message from a friend saying “gays can get married in AZ now” — I looked it up and sure as shit, the marriage ban was struck down by a judge – and furthermore there will be NO appeals. I went to bed single in the state of Arizona and woke up married – how great is that? I’m so glad that we got married in January in New Mexico otherwise we’d have to rush to a courthouse to get married now so Devan could be on the birth certificates. I actually spoke with a lawyer already and asked her what we needed to do to make sure Devan had legal rights and she told me that Arizona already has parent/parent birth certificates and that she thinks we should be able to just bring our marriage license to the hospital with us and Devan can sign it! How can it all of a sudden be THIS EASY?!! No complaints her, and perfect timing Arizona.

I suppose that is it for now, more updates to come next week and hopefully good ones about my test results!!

24 Weeks (Viability)

How far along? 24 Weeks – IT’S V DAY!! (Viability Day)

My babies are the size of: They’re as long as an ear of corn?

Net weight gain:  Still hanging at the 4lb mark

Maternity clothes: Yes

Sleep: My hips have actually eased up the past week, still hurt but not as bad. I do pee at least 1x an hour though…

Best Moment this week: Spending time with D’s side of the family – we are absolutely in love with baby Kimball.

Miss Anything: Beer!

Movement: Yes, more and more every day. If I move certain ways we see a big bulge and I can’t help but crack up!

Food Cravings: I don’t really crave food often…nothing weird at least.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I’ve had a few waves of nausea but nothing too extreme…but the HEARTBURN has been insane. I ran out of tums and had to eat bread yesterday to ease it…these babies are going to have a lot of hair!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: Nope, just the Braxton hicks and our doc says that is OK and normal as long as I am not in any pain!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, almost all the time!

Weekly Wisdom: Be happy!

Looking forward to: Ordering and mailing out the baby shower invites!

Today Elliott & Harper are viable. They officially have a 70% chance of survival if they were born TODAY, by 26 weeks this goes up to 90% and by 28 weeks almost 100%. I don’t plan on them being here any earlier than 36 weeks, but knowing that they could survive outside of my womb makes me so happy.

We met with our landlord on Sunday and were disappointed. I feel like it was a huge waste of time to even meet with him because all he had for us was “I need to set up some estimates” nothing more…number one – why are we meeting for you to tell us that? You couldn’t have said that over the phone? Number two, it’s been like 3 weeks, you haven’t already done this? We are on a strict time crunch wanting all of this to be DONE by October 25th, so we can set up the babies’ room after their shower. He said he spoke with someone from Home Depot and they quoted him at 17K to do our entire house…I just stared at him blankly…really? 17K? There is NO WAY that is correct, and if it is Home Depot is a shesity company and won’t be getting my business. Our rent is going to increase based off of what he does…basically however much he spends he will take divided by 36 months and that is how much our rent will increase – I put a cap at $150.00 because hello, were having twins here. Sometimes I think it would be easier to move, but we’ve been there for almost 5 years and just painted the nursery, I would really like to hang out for a few more years and really don’t want to add moving to my list of shit to do before the babies are born. We might have to just do all carpet throughout the house – I guess the tile is what costs the big bucks. As long as my babies aren’t crawling around on 15 year old carpet I could honestly care less, it isn’t my house at the end of the day so I don’t have to live with the decision forever – however, if all he does is replace the carpet, I don’t want to go as high as $150.00 for a rent increase, even if he does spend $5000.00 to replace – our house is very outdated and needs A LOT of work, things are falling apart all over the place – we just found out there are TERMITES! We can easily find a house a little farther southeast for the same rent that we’d be paying after the increase that has updated appliances, cabinets, flooring etc. I think he is very aware of that fact though, so I’m guessing he will work with us. If we were to move out before a lot of this work is done he’d have to do it between renters and would lose out on the money, I can’t imagine someone moving into that house with what currently needs to be done. I’m making it sound like a trash pit, it really isn’t that bad – just ware and tare, the floors, closets, all the doors, all the fans, cabinets, appliances, all of that – they need updating. SO, the point of all of this rambling was to tell you that I texted him and told him I would set up estimates because I don’t have time for procrastination and if it really is going to cost an arm and a leg to get what needs to be done for my babies to be in a safe & clean environment done then were moving out! Since that text I have set up four in home estimates…it hasn’t even been 24 hours. Why he couldn’t do that in the 3 weeks, I have no idea. I just hope he realizes that October 25th is coming QUICK and that if it is not done by then I’m going to be very upset!

We changed our date for maternity pictures to 28 weeks instead of 24 weeks (we were going to do it Saturday) I don’t feel like I’m big enough for the pictures yet, while you can tell I’m pregnant I don’t think I’m maternity picture ready. We leave for our baby moon in TWO WEEKS, I cannot wait! There is a lot going on right now that might ruin this though…mainly with Devan’s financial aid for school, for some reason they move at a snail’s pace so we’ve been paying out of pocket for her tuition & books … I am in touch with the director of financial aid now and hoping she can get things moving along (we started her process in JUNE GUYS) if we don’t, we will probably have to eat the money we already spent on our Disneyland tickets and not go…we would have to buy 2 more books and pay her remaining tuition if something doesn’t happen SOON.  Like before the end of next week soon – so keep us in your thoughts guys, I really don’t want to put our vacation aside to pay for something that should have been taken care of A LONG time ago. We are doing everything in our power to prevent this from happening because we have been looking forward to spending time with our friends and doing this for a while now.

Besides all of the house and school BS life has been great. I am enjoying pregnancy, and soaking in every minute of it, realizing every day that they’re going to be here SOON. I can’t believe that I am already 2/3 of the way done with my pregnancy, it went by so fast! I was thinking about Christmas this year, and how Devan and I will be toting our newborn twins to our families to celebrate. I’m so excited. I am ready for them to be here, I want to see what they look like!!

24 week baby bump

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I think that is it for today, Happy Friday Eve!

Ashley ❤

23 Weeks!!

How far along? 23 Weeks!

My babies are the size of: Not just any Mango, a LARGE Mango
Net weight gain: According to the doctor yesterday my total weight gain thus far is 4lbs. I am still down 6lbs pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity clothes: Yes
Sleep: Hips are really the only thing that bother me, a friend is donating her snoogle to me, I will get it this weekend and hopefully that makes a difference!

Best Moment this week: FINISHING THE NURSERY!!!! AMAZING!

Miss Anything: Beer!

Movement: Every day, I love every second of it – WE SAW THEM MOVE TOO! My stomach was rolling around, it was amazing!

Food Cravings: Nothing really right now, but I’m not hungry give me a few hours lol

Anything making you queasy or sick: I’m feeling good!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: Nope, just the Braxton hicks and our doc says that is OK and normal as long as I am not in any pain!

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am on cloud 9

Weekly Wisdom: Be happy!
Looking forward to: Meeting with our landlord to discuss the floor replacement this weekend.

 

23 weeks, how are you here already? We are going to have two babies in less than 100 days, how incredible. We saw the OB yesterday and she is pleased with everything. Our little man is measuring in the 67th percentile while our little lady is in the 46th percentile. She said there is an 8% size difference which is perfectly fine, and that everything looks GREAT. I have only gained 4lbs thus far, and when I brought it up she said “You are pregnant with twins and have only gained 4lbs, don’t question it, shit!” We absolutely love her – I don’t know why but Devan and I trust people more when they swear. Dr. B said that we will know around 30/32 weeks if I will need a C-section or not – she said if they’re breach around that time it’s very unlikely they will turn around because they won’t have a lot of room – at that point I will schedule a c-section if need be, and have an ultra sound right before to confirm they’re still breach since a c-section is not my ideal way to deliver. When she brought the heart doppler out she found Harper right away but little Elliott was squirming around in there like a crazy person, Dr. B referred to him as a “little shit” LOL! All in all the appointment went very well and our little babies are doing spectacular! My next appointment in early October will be a long appointment – I do my first glucose test, I’m hoping I pass the 1 hour test so I don’t have to go through the 3 hour test!

 

Devan already wrote a post all about the nursery construction you can read that HERE and see all of the pictures. I wanted to touch on it too. We had such a GREAT weekend. Michael was in town and agreed to help us with the nursery. It made me sad that he and Jeffrey moved to Utah because we had so much fun it reminded me of old times. The four of us have been through some shit together as friends and we always see it through – I couldn’t be happier about that. We spent the weekend renovating, playing bingo, going to a bar for our brother in laws 25th birthday and eating until we hated ourselves. While we were at the bar I was introduced to a young lady that was sucking down a cigarette – I was then told “she is the one who is newly pregnant” without being able to contain myself I said “YOU’RE PREGNANT, DID YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A BEER TOO?” Whoops, my bitchiness came out but oh well. I just thought of all of you, about how you would give up a lung to have a baby and this bitch is sucking down cancer while she was carrying the gift of life inside of her.

On to a more positive thing, while Devan and Michael were priming the floors I went with Lisa and Kaitlyn to goodwill and got an entire maternity outfit for $10.00! Score! The pants I bought were even a size smaller than the ones I paid $50 for at Motherhood – same brand though! (Ignore our messy room)

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Lisa and Kaitlyn also made Harper & Elliott these sick onesies – they’re so sweet, and are already spoiling the shit out of these babies.

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 I couldn’t ask for better friends! Devan’s mom just texted me with a picture of a laundry basket full of baby blankets, wash cloths, socks etc. saying “Grandma has added to her stock!” How the hell did we get so lucky?! Our babies are coming into a world full of more love than anyone could ask for.

 

Here are some other pictures I snapped this weekend — A picture of the clothes hanging up in the nursery (all of the shorts and what not have now been put in an organizer until we buy our dresser!)

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These sick crab shoes I bought for $2 at Babies R Us for when we go to the lake, it matched perfectly with this outfit…

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Baby Kimball and Elliott striking the same pose – NO PICTURES PLEASE!!! ❤

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And lastly, 23 week baby bump, I’m having a bad hair day today 😦

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HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYONE!! ❤

ASHLEY

22 Weeks!

How far along? 22 Weeks

My babies are the size of: Spaghetti Squash
Net weight gain: A solid 5

Maternity clothes: You betcha! I love it!
Sleep: Guys, how do I make my hips stop hurting? I can deal with the peeing, but these hips – I can HEAR them grinding!!

Best Moment this week: Started the nursery, finishing it this weekend!!!!

Miss Anything: Beer!

Movement: Every day, I love every second of it.

Food Cravings: My friend Lisa made a pizza cookie (giant sugar cookie, cream cheese frosting, pineapple and cherries) it was fantastic, I’ve been dreaming of it since!

Anything making you queasy or sick: I’m feeling good!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: I’ve been having Braxton hicks (not very often) not sure if that is a labor sign, but my docs don’t seem worried. I feel pressure, then feel my tummy and its rock hard for a minute and then goes back to squishy with hard spots where the babies are!

Happy or Moody most of the time: I am on cloud 9

Weekly Wisdom: Be happy!
Looking forward to: Finishing up the nursery this weekend!

HAPPY 22 WEEKS!! I am in a spectacular mood right now, we saw our perfect babies yesterday and they were doing amazing. Elliott, our little chunk, is already 1lb 2oz and Harper our dainty princess is an even 1lb. Each ultra sound gives me a level of excitement I can’t even put into words, our babies ARE COMING! They are healthy, and growing, and beautiful. The tech focused on all of their little organs this past ultra sound, specifically their hearts and they sound spectacular. I got to see their little kidneys and they’re the cutest kidneys I’ve ever seen in my life!! Elliott was a total ham, and was giving us shot after shot of his perfect face, Harper on the other hand, not so much! We got maybe 1 or 2 good shots of her. Our doctor came in and said she was more than happy about their progress and that they’re growing VERY well and that even though 24 weeks is considered viable, after they hit 1 pound they immediately have a chance of survival outside of the womb and the number only grows with time. I talked with her about our baby moon and how we are going to be in Disneyland for a day. She said to set my next appointment right before and they will check my cervix to make sure it is still 100% closed and long, and recommended that I use a wheel chair 90% of the time while we are there. I’m not excited about being in a wheel chair the entire time, BUT safety comes first and it is worth it to be with my amazing wife and great friends in Disneyland. I do feel bad for poor Devan – she gets to wheel around 200lbs of my glorious ass! But again, SO WORTH IT! We are HUGE Disney fans and when an opportunity to go with our favorite Disney buddies comes up we can’t say no to it! It really is perfect because Disneyland is EXPENSIVE and really not worth it to spend 150$ per ticket when I can only do so much, so instead we are joining them for the Halloween Party which gives us access to the entire park but the ticket is only $50!! Here are some pictures from the appointment: (Top 3 are Harper, all of the rest Elliott, the show off!)

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Aren’t they cute? I’m am SO EXCITED FOR THE NURSERY PLANNING!! We are doing a woodland theme, and Devan’s mom has already been ordering decals for the nursery! We have a clear picture in our head about how we want everything to look and I’m so excited we are actually starting the process!! We will be replacing baseboards & painting this weekend. Here is a lovely before picture of the nursery & some paint samples we have looked at so far, no decisions have been made yet. You also get a shot of our friend Michael, this was last night at like 9pm – him and Devan were up pretty late starting the process, its nice to have friends that will help you with the hard work, thanks Michael!


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In the next few weeks we will be getting all of the flooring in our home replaced so there will be brand new carpet in there for the babies!

What is better than nursery planning? BABY SHOWER PLANNING!! Devan and I have been doing a lot of planning and have a place locked in. The place we checked out last week ended up not working out but we were able to find another community that I manage that has an EVEN better clubhouse. The space is beautiful…and we can serve alcohol. Mimosas anyone? The space will fit 200 guests, 100 indoors and 100 outdoors, the indoor/outdoor space have a lovely open concept so everyone will feel a nice flow — and the weather in late October is pretty nice in Arizona, 80 degrees maybe. It will be a great day.

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Lots of exciting things ahead, it will help the time fly by so that we can be in November/December and meet our beautiful babies. The day can’t come soon enough. I am feeling overwhelmed with happiness, my life is without complaint right now. I have a wonderful wife, two beautiful children on the way, great friends, great family and Devan and I are both working in jobs we are happy with. Life couldn’t get any better.

I almost forgot, 22 week belly shot!

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Happy Friday, and enjoy your holiday weekend everyone!!!

❤ Ashley

21 Weeks

How far along? 21 Weeks

My babies are the size of: Carrot
Net weight gain: Still lingering in the 3-5lb weight gain, I fluctuate between the two.

Maternity clothes: Yes, and my wonderful friend Lisa saw a sale at Old Navy last week and not only bought me a pair of pants & two shirts (FOR UNDER 10$) but sent me over there and I was able to get 4 more shirts!
Sleep: Between peeing & the hips and just trying to get comfortable I’m not sleeping as well as I would like. I usually get a good solid 1-2 hours before I wake up and am up for 15-20 minutes peeing and trying to get comfortable again. Sometimes I just can’t fall back asleep and I’m up for over an hour, those are the worst nights.
Best Moment this week: Finding our baby shower venue!

Miss Anything: Beer!

Movement: I feel them every day, but I want them to move more haha!

Food Cravings: Nothing really this week…

Anything making you queasy or sick: Just having an empty stomach!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: None, thank goodness, far too early for all that!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Definitely happy

Weekly Wisdom: Be happy with your pregnancy no matter where you are. The first trimester is terrifying but enjoy every second of it.
Looking forward to: Next scan on 9/5/14, planning the baby shower!

Happy Thursday Everyone! We’ve had a pretty busy week trying to figure out what to do for our baby shower and we finally found a place!! I work for a company that managers homeowners associations and one of the properties we manage has a BEAUTIFUL club house that they typically only rent out to homeowners. I e-mailed the community manager there and asked if they would make an exception since we work together and she said YES! Here is the clubhouse, how pretty is that?
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 Devan and I are going to check it out today after work and if all goes well we are definitely going to do it there!! I am getting so excited to start planning, I really want to do a whale theme, but we haven’t decided on a theme yet. We are doing a woodland theme for our nursery so Devan suggested that we do that for the theme but I want to do something different!

Next Sunday our friend Michael will be visiting from Utah and he is helping us start the Nursery makeover! We are going to paint and get it started for these little lovelies; I am stoked to start getting everything ready for them! I cannot wait until they’re here, I just want to snuggle them in my arms!!

Today is sort of a weird day, a year ago I got inseminated and it was the cycle we got pregnant with Rohen. That damn time hop app is going to be rough going forward, lots of Rohen pictures coming up. I’m happy to be pregnant with our twins, but I miss him so much, I wish I could have all three of them.

Oh, I almost forgot, Arizona still sucks. I spoke with that lawyer I had a meeting with, and I’m glad I changed the appointment to be over the phone because she not only sounded like she had no idea what the hell she was talking about, but it turned out she had no idea what the hell she was talking about haha. She told us that we could use a loophole in the state of California. Apparently you don’t have to be a resident of California to adopt there, so she made it seem like Devan and I could go through the court systems in California, adopt the twins and then Arizona has to recognize it. WRONG. She was half right, we don’t have to be residents of California to adopt, but the child would then need to reside or be born in California for it to work. So, basically I’d need to change OB’s, schedule a C-Section and have the twins in California for it to work, or move there. What a crock of shit, Devan is my wife, and she is their Mom why is it so hard for the state of Arizona to get that through their head! We had a glimmer of hope after talking to her and our dreams were crushed as soon as I talked to an attorney in California. Hopefully the lawsuit pending here gets to court quick; I really want that chapter to be over. It seems like everywhere I look people are making racist or just purely ignorant comments. The Ferguson situation is all over the place, people are getting crazy about it and of course race is at play in a situation like this – it’s funny because you start to see people for their true colors, just a little FYI folks, if you are racist you can get the hell out of my life because I don’t have time in my life for narrow minded morons. Don’t even get me started on the ignorant comments Michelle Duggar made about the transgender community, that shit fires me up, I am just completely intolerant to intolerance. Moving on though, Devan starts school on Monday, should be exciting for her! One semester closer to being a nurse and my sugar mama!

 That is all I have for this week, and of course a belly shot for you all! PS – That is one of the shirts Lisa got me! Super cute!

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Have a good rest of the week everyone!

Ashley ❤

20 Weeks!!!!!

How far along? 20 Weeks

My babies are the size of: Banana!!!
Net weight gain: Still lingering in the 3-5lb weight gain, I fluctuate between the two.

Maternity clothes: Yes
Sleep: Still peeing every hour (I’m not sure that is going to get better haha) and hips hurt but as long as I am not waking up for 2-3 hours unable to fall back asleep I’m happy – unfortunately this happens 1x a week or so.
Best Moment this week: Feeling them move so much, both Devan and our friend Kaitlyn got to feel them move yesterday!

Miss Anything?: Beer!

Movement: It is the best thing in the world,  I wish they moved all day long!

Food Cravings: I just want it all, tonight I’m having a roast, potatoes, corn & biscuits for dinner and I’m already drooling over it.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Just having an empty stomach!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: None, thank goodness, far too early for all that!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, unless I’m hungry and then I’m hangry as Devan calls it.

Weekly Wisdom: You don’t choose your relatives, but you choose your family. Surround yourself with people that uplift you and bring you joy!
Looking forward to: Next scan on 9/5/14

Guys, I’m 20 weeks today and that means I am officially more pregnant than I ever have been. Rohen died when he was *supposed* to be 20w2d but the doctors said he was likely gone a week before then. As I type this these little bugs are kicking away reminding me that they’re here and healthy. It is the best thing a mommy could ever feel.

This week has been rough, mostly in my personal life. I haven’t shared much about my personal life on here to spare my family but at this point I’m not really talking to them anymore, and they don’t have access to this blog so not sure what it would hurt, and I can have a chance to vent. I’m not going to go into details on anything because I would be writing all day – the gist of it is this – I’m surrounded by people who don’t treat their kids the way they deserve to be treated. My oldest sister has two boys, 15 & 4 – for 2 years Devan and I cared for the 15 year old who was in CPS custody. We got licensed as foster parents and at the ages of 22 & 23 we took on the task of raising a then 13 year old boy. It doesn’t sound too hard until you mention that this 13 year old was in a gang, doing drugs, having sex, popping pills, failing school and had a huge attitude problem. It was Thanksgiving of 2011 when I picked him up from his dad’s house and asked “do you want to come stay with me?” and my life changed in that moment. Those two years tested mine and Devan’s relationship to the MAX, if we got through that we can get through ANYTHING. We had the cops at our house almost weekly, countless school meetings – he changed schools three times in those two years due to being kicked out, counseling sessions – basically we lived and breathed this kid for two years. For two years we devoted everything we had to him (all while still being in the “kid” stage ourselves, this wasn’t like pregnancy this happened overnight and we were not expecting it) It was very discouraging because no matter how hard we tried he would still continue the bad behavior, it truly broke my heart because I just wanted this CHILD to be able to be an innocent child for the few years he had left, but it was already over for him. As we cared for him, we also cared for my sister. We’d receive daily phone calls with her sobbing because she just “couldn’t quit drinking” – CPS told her numerous times what she needed to do in order to quit and she didn’t participate in any of it. 7 months almost to the day after we got Nicolas we started TTC with our RE – we figured if we could handle my nephew, we could easily handle a newborn. My nephew became a chronic runaway and would be gone for weeks at a time – the only contact we’d have from him was random phone calls from throw away phones simply letting us know he was still alive. He failed 7th grade twice and was going down a terrible path. The last time he ran away he got put in jail and stayed in jail for 2-3 months until they found him a locked group home. This was about a year ago; he just got out on 8/1/14. Once he was no longer in our home we told CPS that we were not taking him back again. We just found out I was expecting Rohen and knew that we couldn’t let our children live in an unstable environment like this. I told my sister she needs to get her shit together for her kids because I wasn’t cleaning up her mess anymore. She finally started participating and was doing a great job. We were all so impressed and proud of her! It looked like my nephew was going to be able to come home with her and that everything could go back to normal, or at least a new normal. About a month and a half ago she finished her alcohol classes and had been sober for about 7 months – she got a call from CPS asking that she continues taking classes and lost it. Here’s the thing – I get it, you’ve been working hard for 7 months and you thought you were done, but you’re not – it’s frustrating. Her response? Quit everything. She stopped taking her drug tests, going to classes, she missed his court dates and as of yesterday missed his appointment where they do a check in with everyone and make sure all is well. She moved in with a guy that she started dating a week or two prior and her life is all about her and this guy now because she is “finally happy” – I suppose even if it is at the expense of your children your happiness is all that matters? I heard through the grapevine that she has been taking her drug tests again but that is all I know. I had some words with her the day after my birthday because she neglected to even tell me Happy Birthday – something out of the ordinary for us. I let her know how I really felt for the first time in the past two years. When I was talking to her I kept thinking about Rohen, and about all of you. About how we would give ANYTHING just to be mothers and once we were given the honor every single breath we took would be for our children. I said this to her, I said I don’t understand how you can have two healthy boys and just not give a shit when I would do anything just to have one day with Rohen alive; to be able to hold him while his heart is beating. Needless to say we haven’t done much talking, I removed her from all my social networking sites (I know, it’s a serious blow lol) and I haven’t called or texted her since – I plan on staying strong until she is there for her kids. I refuse to watch my family members treat their children like vermin.

It’s all around me – my other sister has twin girls – they are about to be 5 in September. She has always had a rocky back and forth relationship with their dad and has since moved on to a new guy that lives in California and is moving there in two weeks. My sister frustrates me because she talks to my nieces like they’re garbage. She has ruined countless holidays and family functions because when she is angry, everyone knows. Let me start off by saying I have a mouth on me. I love cussing, something I will be changing very soon because while I do believe cussing around a child and AT a child are very different things I would still like to limit the amount of cussing around my children that I do. I definitely don’t want the mouth I have now around my kids. With that being said, I’ve been listening to these girls getting cussed AT for a few years now, and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m sick of people thinking it is OK to tell your kids to shut the fuck up, or get your fucking shit together, were leaving. It is NOT OK. I’m not a parent yet, but as I stated earlier I played the role of my nephews sole provider for two years and while I absolutely lost my temper with him, and probably cussed AT him a few times it wasn’t a regular thing (this doesn’t make this right, I was absolutely wrong, and I felt awful about it and worked harder the next time to keep my temper in control). I guess my point is this; there is a difference between losing your temper SOMETIMES and losing your temper ALL the time. If you find yourself yelling at your children like this on a daily basis you need to re-evaluate how you are parenting and ask for some help – it doesn’t make you weak it makes you strong. We are all human and all of us make mistakes, if you are willing to admit it and fix it – then you are awesome for doing that! So with that all being said, my other sister and I got into on Tuesday afternoon. I was trying to set something up with her to see my nieces before she moved and she didn’t want me to have them all day for a BBQ just a quick goodbye – I should have kept my mouth shut and left it at that but it irritated me that she wasn’t letting us spend quality time with them so I kept pushing. She then said we couldn’t see them at all and I lost it. I told her that she doesn’t deserve to be called a mother because she treats her girls like garbage and takes them for granted. After saying a few things about how Karma is going to “get me” she said this:

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Needless to say, I spent the rest of Tuesday curled in a ball sobbing because really who the fuck says that to someone? I came to realize that she meant Karma is going to get the TWINS not me, and that really got to me. She was implying that these babies are going to die too – something you all know and empathize with as being our BIGGEST FEAR. After you’ve lost a child, you know your next isn’t guaranteed ever, and anything can happen at any moment – it stuck with me. I still can’t shake it, because I love the twins so much already, I feel them inside of me, and I dream of them. They’re already my children, and I couldn’t bear to lose them. I failed to mention in the midst of all this she is converting to Mormonism. She is being baptized soon and “devoting her life to Christ” to better herself. Even as a non-spiritual person I was in support of this so long as it benefited my nieces – if being Mormon brings her to a peace within and helps her talk to my nieces in a better way, sign her up and quick! I just hope she realizes that saying that type of thing to me is definitely not Christ like, not to mention the fact that the week before she told my brother to go kill himself and that my mother should have aborted him – this was after he too called her out for the way she talks to the girls after witnessing it for the 100th time. So as you can see, it’s a hot mess. I made many mistakes myself throughout all of this, including waiting so long to speak up for my nieces and losing my temper myself but I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t read your TTC blogs all day and know my own story and then watch the abuse. It makes me sick.

Like I said above, you can’t choose your relatives but you can choose your family – I’m happy to say that we have a pretty awesome family. Last night we spent a few hours with our friend Lisa and her daughter who is almost 20, Kaitlyn. We ate some delicious nachos and watched a show called “Skin Wars” about painting bodies and laughed our asses out. We talked about how when the twins are here we will be there all the time and that she is going to bring out all her old toys for them to play with. It makes me so happy knowing the babies are already so loved. We have our moms, my brother, Devan’s sister (and her ridiculously cute baby – and her boyfriend Jake) and other family that is spread around Arizona on Devan’s side and a whole slew of awesome friends. We are fortunate and I feel that if we cling to the positive people in our lives we will be able to give Harper & Elliott a wonderful childhood.

Here are some pictures from this week, I love seeing pictures when you guys post them so I figured I would start including some each week too!

 IMG_2155 Lennon, our bulldog she likes laying on the babiesIMG_2002

 And making super weird bulldog faces

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Devan snuggling our cute nephew, Kimball – I love that kid.

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Guys, I was a weird looking kid – lets hope the babies get the donors genes, those are the pictures of him that we were given above 🙂 He sure is handsome. Love his dimple chin, Rohen had a dimple chin. I’m stoked that our twins are 100% siblings with Rohen and that we are able to continue to use the same donor.

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Guys, look how beautiful Devan is, I can’t even handle it. Ow Ow!

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We can end with the cat being forced to dress like a baby, because its hilarious.

Enjoy your week everyone, I am beyond excited for all the positive tests we’ve had this week and know that there will be just as many next month!

❤ Ashley

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 weeks

My babies are the size of: Heirloom tomatoes
Net weight gain: Lost 2lbs, so a total of 3lbs gained. Still down 7lbs pre pregnancy weight.

Maternity clothes: Yes 
Sleep: Between the peeing and the ridiculous hip pain I’ve seen better days for sleep, so worth it though.
Best Moment this week: Seeing my beautiful babies and Devan feeling Elliott move!!!

Miss Anything?: Beer, I ate some ham (cooked of course)

Movement: Yep, it’s pretty amazing.

Food Cravings: Good lord, I’m ravenous. I want ice cream, then chips, then a hamburger, then fruit, then veggies, then cereal, then ice cream again – this is all in a matter of 10 minutes lol. I just want it all guys.

Anything making you queasy or sick: An empty stomach. I will wake up in the middle of the night or when I get up in the morning and feel like I could puke everywhere. My stomach feels like an empty pit – usually chugging some water fills it up and I feel better almost instantly. At least its an easy fix!

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: None, thank goodness, far too early for all that!

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, unless I’m hungry and then I’m hangry as Devan calls it.

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy, even the bad! I’ve said this every week but I really mean it. You will only be pregnant for a short time, so even though your nipples hurt, your hips ache and your gaining weight you are GROWING your child (or children)…what an honor.
 Looking forward to: Hanging out with Brielle this weekend, haven’t seen that girl since we went to Cali in March (except for one other time and Devan got sick so we didn’t really get to hang out)

 Guys, we are 19 weeks and we got good news yesterday. I think our babies really will make a debut into this world and I will finally be able to start the adventure of a lifetime with the love of my life. Holy shit balls were going to have two newborns sometime in December.  

We met our OB yesterday (I know Devan already mentioned all this) but I really love her. She is so awesome, thorough and you can tell she truly loves what she does and has patient care as her number one priority. She mentioned that I will be delivering in an OR and might end up needing a C-section. I am really hoping that I don’t need one because I have a perfect image in my head of what will happen after they’re born and it doesn’t include me only seeing my baby for a few seconds and then spending 45 minutes getting sewn up before I can even hold them. I want to be breastfeeding them IMMEIDATELY after birth, I want to do delayed cord clamping, I want Devan and I to both be able to do kangaroo care with them. All this goes right out the window if we have a C-section…so guys please hope that both babies are head down, fat and healthy when they make their debut!

On another note, I’m lactating. Not a lot but on two separate occasions now I’ve looked down and there has been minimal leakage. Is it because my body is expecting these babies to come out at 20 weeks like Rohen did? Or am I just a milk machine? It is colostrum not milk, but regardless it’s here pretty early! None of my doctors seem to think anything of it, so maybe I’ll take it as a good sign that these babies will get lots of boobie milk!

I’ve been feeling guilty about posting all my happy posts, so I want to shout out to all my blogging buddies that are still currently trying to conceive. I am hoping for you daily, I am always looking for updates and think about you all more than you know. I cannot wait until you are all pregnant too, I imagine one day we will all be parenting bloggers rather than TTC bloggers ❤ It is going to happen for all of us, I know it will.

Happy Friday Eve everyone!

Ashley ❤

(Almost) 19 weeks!

Today was a great day. I was having a really hard time with our upcoming anatomy scan because this is the same scan that showed Rohen’s major abnormalities. Before today, all of our ultrasounds have shown that the babies are growing right on schedule and appear to be healthy, but there is just something that told me I couldn’t feel safe until this particular scan, 18w6d, came back normal.

We both took the day off work today which is always nice! We slept in, showered, and met our OB for the first time. I have to admit that I struggle with this… When I was TTC I knew for sure that I wanted to have a midwife-attended home birth or give birth at a birthing center. Now, with twins, our OB told us that we have the option to elect a c-section right now if we don’t even want to attempt a vaginal delivery. She reminded us that even if Ashley does decided to deliver vaginally, we will still have to deliver in the OR (bye, bye birth photographer!). Even though we have been reminded that things may not go smoothly, we are just SO happy with our OB. Dr. Bullaro just delivered my nephew and she has such an amazing sense of humor. We laughed through almost the entire appointment and she took a lot of time to go over our entire chart with us, asking everything she could about Rohen and our history. We are so happy with our decision to use her! Our last OB was an absolute nightmare, so we are so happy that we can just relax now and feel comfortable with the care we will receive.

After the OB appointment, we went to pick up a free set of scrubs that I won in a Facebook giveaway last week. This is completely unrelated to the twins, but I just got a $70 set of really nice scrubs for free and I’m damn happy about it.

Our anatomy scan was amazing. It’s crazy to see how absolutely massive Ashley’s uterus is now! She told us that Harper is laying diagonally across her belly, with her feet up higher than her bellybutton! While she was measuring Elliott’s head, we saw him move and Ashley said that she felt it. We got to see Elliott opening and closing his mouth, swallowing, practice breathing and even grabbing his little penis! (Oh god, it’s starting already, yuck!) Harper was doing some major yoga moves with her feet behind her head and we were actually able to see her reaching up and grabbing her toes! They were measuring on-track with Elliott coming in at 10oz and Harper at 9oz (they are already so much bigger than Rohen, who was 4.25oz when he was stillborn at 20 weeks)

The absolute funniest thing that happened today happened while we were trying to get a good 4D shot of Harper’s face. When the image came up, we saw that Elliott and turned around and had stuck his butt directly in her face. I could practically hear my future… “Mooooooom, Elliott is putting his butt on me!” “Knock it off!”

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Elliott

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Elliott with his mouth open wide!

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Elliott’s long legs, and he’s kneeing himself in the eye!

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Harper touching her head with her toes

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All four legs!

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Harper’s legs and feet.

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Harper’s face, Elliott’s ass. These kids, I swear…

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Harper’s face resting on Elliott’s ass!

When we got home, Ashley felt some movement and I was able to put my hand there in enough time to actually feel his little thump-thump-thumps. I have made contact with the inside, and I think they have accepted me 😉

With all this excitement surrounding the anatomy scan, I have kind of been having a hard time. Rohen is so heavy on my heart, and I think it’s because this is the time in a pregnancy when things really start picking up. We were in the thick of this blissful haze when Rohen was taken from us so abruptly, and being in this haze again with the twins confuses my heart. I find myself saying his name instead of Elliott’s sometimes… I get lost in joy so often, and then I remember that two days before losing him, on Christmas, I had taken a belly picture with Ashley. We had opened and assembled a bassinet with my mom and Mikey. Ashley’s mom bought her a maternity shirt with hand and foot prints on the belly… and all of this happened while he was already gone. It haunts me… I fear for their health constantly with no relief. Recovering from loss is really about the journey, and I remind myself every day that loving Rohen is what made me a mother, even if right now I am one with empty arms. They won’t be empty for long.

I’m sure Ashley will post her 19 week update tomorrow! We are over the hump, half way there… and our adventure is just getting started!

❤ Devan

18 Weeks!

How far along? 18 weeks (1/2 way for twins!!!)

My babies are the size of: Bell peppers
Net weight gain: 5lbs (now -5lbs from pre pregnancy weight)

Maternity clothes: Yes 
Sleep: I am still waking up several times to go potty, and having a hard time falling back asleep, my hips and pelvic girdle pain ache the worse at night so I’m thinking that has a lot to do with it.
Best Moment this week: Celebrating my birthday with my friends and family

Miss Anything?: Beer & Ham

Movement: I’ve been feeling Harper moving every day for the last 3 days – she was just super busy a few minutes ago I am still not really feeling Elliott move, my guess is he is behind his placenta so he is harder to feel, I will confirm at my anatomy scan.

Food Cravings: Salad – ranch, grape tomatoes, cheddar cheese, onion & cucumber

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really

Gender:  B&G

Labor Signs: None

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy 

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy, even the bad!
 Looking forward to: Anatomy scan on August 6th

 Happy 18 weeks folks!! The biggest news in the last week is that my third nephew, Kimball, was born Tuesday super early in the morning! He is super cute and I am so excited that he is going to be so close in age with the twins! I am looking forward to them growing up together! Here are a few pictures of him, one with my beautiful wife – she looks good with a baby doesn’t she?

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The picture with the elephant crocheted was made by my lovely wife – she crochets and sews and is actually opening an etsy shop that will be selling bumbo covers, boppy covers, crib sheets, binky clips, little shoes, changing pad covers, pretty much anything you see on etsy – she can replicate. She’s pretty awesome! If anyone is interested in her making something for you – we can even do custom orders – for example if you are a Yankees fan and want a Yankees bumbo cover we can get that specific fabric for you! Any blogger friends will get a 10% discount! Comment if you are interested!

Not sure if anything can really top a super cute nephew being born, but we did some other fun things this week. Sunday was my 26th birthday – we went out to breakfast with our friends and then just lounged around the house the rest of the day, we went to my mom’s for dinner around 5 but were only there for a short period of time because I was ready to go back and snuggle into bed! Sometimes you just can’t beat a lazy day at home.

I am feeling more and more pregnant every day, and cannot believe that I am going to continue to get bigger; I am already feeling like I am the size of a house! On August 6th we will have an OBGYN appointment where we will get to meet our doctor for the first time (she delivered our nephew!) and then later that day we have our ANATOMY SCAN!! I am so excited to see these little babies and while I’m gaining weight and feeling them (Harper at least) move I still get anxious about them growing and doing what they’re supposed to be doing in there! Holding Kimball just confirms that this is meant to happen for us. It felt so right to be holding a baby; of course I want that baby to be mine! We better tell Sarah to keep Kimball on a tight watch Devan and I might steal him!

There really isn’t much more to update on, so I’ll leave you with my weekly belly shot! This picture has my 14 week belly shot next to my 18 week belly shot (wearing the same outfit, insane how much can change in a month)

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Happy Thursday! I’m hoping to read about a bunch of pregnant blogger friends soon 🙂

– Ashley